According to my experience as a traveler, hotels of the world have succeeded in installing the ultimate in incomprehensible shower systems. The old fashioned simple knobs that could be handled with no fuss by even a tourist in the depths of jet lag, have today been replaced by hi-tech gadgets of levers and dials – no two of which are ever alike, thus confusing you every time you step into the shower.

My sister-in-law in fact never ventures unaccompanied into a hotel shower; she makes sure someone tests it beforehand. She once turned something the wrong way and was hit by a surge of water capable of boiling a lobster. My mechanically inclined wife has yet to master the intricacies of turning on her hotel shower without drenching her hair. No matter how gingerly she approaches the device and carefully considers every move, she is always wrong. What works at one hotel does not apply to the next, even though the shower systems may seem similar.

Beware of showers that face you coiled on the wall. One false move and they spring forth at you. Not long ago I was chased by this steel whip, striking at my feet, its shower head turned up and spewing scalding water all over me.

My wife and I have been vacationing in many parts of the globe over the past few years and I can say with authority that one thing a traveler can be certain of is to find a temperamental, if not hostile shower that requires an engineering degree to operate.

According to my observation, the more complex the shower, the closer to the drain the instructions are etched. Since I rarely shower wearing my bifocals, I am not in a position to comprehend the small arrows and numerals scrawled in chrome and acrylic.

Dear inn keepers of the world, forget the sprays that offer the traveler choices from vibrations to ultra fine mists. Bring back the simple shower with the cold faucet indicated in blue and the hot in bright red.